Something Constant
by faecree
Summary: Akihiko didn't understand it really. He didn't know how, when, or why everything had begun to fall apart. There were only two things he knew for certain. 1. Misaki had left him three years ago now, and 2. suddenly he was back. But it made sense, didn't it? Misaki couldn't stay gone, because hadn't Akihiko found something constant in him on the day they met? (slight ijuuin/misaki)
1. Then & Now

**Something Constant**

* * *

 **Prologue –** Then & Now

" _Shitty-Usagi, wake up!" Misaki bit out angrily. "Aren't you supposed to be working on that 'brilliant' novel of yours?"_

 _Akihiko groaned slightly and peeked up at him with eyes that screamed to threaten doom. Misaki remained unfazed however, far too accustom to the man he'd lived with for the past four years to be truly affected by his deadly gaze. Sometimes it still amazed him how he managed to simply put up with it all, honestly._

 _"'s done," Akihiko grumbled, burying his face in a pillow when he realized his glare wasn't doing the trick. "Let me sleep."_

 _Misaki emitted an indignant hum and narrowed his eyes in the dark of the room._

 _"I hope, for your sake, that it is," he hissed, sounding as though he found it hard to believe. "You'd better be telling the truth, because I just got off the phone with Aikawa-san and she sounded like she was about ready to resort to murder."_

 _Akihiko remained still for a moment, not really registering the threat so much as deciding if it was truly worth it to try to go back to sleep. In the end he gave in though, sitting up to shoot his younger lover another rather weak glower._

 _Again, Misaki stayed stagnant._

 _"Well, breakfast is done anyway," he muttered lowly, turning to leave. "And she said she's stopping by in a few hours so get up already…"_

 _However, before Misaki had the chance to take his leave, Akihiko grabbed him by the wrist, intending to "recharge" on his favorite fuel as a bit of revenge for ruining his sleep. And typically, he would've gotten his way, no matter how much Misaki enjoyed pretending he had a say in these things, because in the end Akihiko always won. Yet, something was different that morning, and later he would remember it as the start of the end. Misaki was quicker to react than usual, smacking the hand which had captured him away. He took a step back, eyes suddenly wide with shock, perhaps surprised by his own actions more than anything. It seemed a bit harsh, rash maybe. It wasn't as if Misaki wasn't already particularly used to Akihiko's odd behaviors anyway._

 _"Uh…" Misaki stumbled for words. "Sorry… I, um… yeah, breakfast," he said awkwardly, just before fleeing the room._

 _Akihiko stared out the open door in worried wonder, sensing that something was off right away, as he so often did. After all, Misaki was easy to understand. To react in such a regard to a simple touch, there had to be something bothering him. And Akihiko would be damned if he didn't pry the answers out of him._

 _Or at least he would try…_

It had been more than three years since that day however, and Akihiko never did manage to get the answers he'd sought. Misaki was gone before he had the chance, in the blink of an eye really, because suddenly all the time they spent together felt like nothing. It hadn't been enough for him, and as selfish as Akihiko knew it was to think that he wanted more, he was already far too used to being selfish to turn back now. Although, Misaki had once nurtured that immature part of him, despite his way of scolding him for it all the while, and so now that he was gone, Akihiko was left in a state of pure confusion and solitude.

Being alone was something that Akihiko was all too familiar with too, but he'd forgotten the depth of it. He knew he was always meant to be alone, but he'd allowed himself to live in a happy little delusion of a life for far too long, which was perfect for him. So, how could he go back to his old self so easily?

Yet, in the end, Akihiko couldn't even begin to imagine why Misaki had left him. He held not an inkling of an idea, because it had come out of nowhere, right when he had thought things were just as they should be. And Misaki clearly didn't want to be found, because even Takahiro was in the dark about his living situation it seemed, or at least he pretended to be for his friend's sake, and/or by his brother's request.

It didn't matter though, because Usami Akihiko, a man who was renowned for his use of the human language, actually had no words for the boy he loved so dearly… for the first time since they'd met. What was there to say though? He knew that if Misaki's happiness was elsewhere there was nothing he could do about it.

Besides, that was honestly all he wanted in the end, for that damn kid to just be happy- whether that was with or _without_ Akihiko in the picture.

So, when Misaki had accidentally reappeared before him, what was a man to do? With no words at his disposal, no silky lines of love, Akihiko seemed only capable of watching from a distance, both amazed and disgusted with the sight of his ex-lover and the swell of bubbly affection he felt in his chest as a result.

He looked older, of course, but just slightly, and Akihiko could've sworn it was only because Misaki also seemed a bit exhausted. But it was still him, just the same in every other way, down to the clothes he wore and the way he carried himself. Akihiko would recognize that stubborn uncertainty any day, because it had once been something he'd been constantly exposed to in his life. And now he missed it.

It wasn't until he saw who Misaki was with that Akihiko was grateful he hadn't been eating much lately, otherwise he was sure he would have lost his lunch to the nausea that followed. Of course, it had to be _that man_ , didn't it? After all, he'd known all along that Misaki had kept his job at Marukawa. So, it only made sense that he was still involved with Ijuuin, of all people. Though, it was simply the way Ijuuin looked at him which made Akihiko sick to his stomach, because it was a possessive expression that he was all too familiar with.

The half-smile that Misaki offered in return was what made Akihiko turn and leave the publishing company.

Later that evening he would get a call from a screeching Aikawa, but it didn't matter, he'd only come there to tell her that he was quitting in the first place.

* * *

 **AN** : Hey everyone! I know, I know, I should be working on "Melting Ice" and the various other Code Geass fanfics I've yet to finish, but with the third season of Junjou Romantica finally out, I couldn't help but write a fic for my other favorite nerds! Misaki and Usagi have been one of my otp's longer than SuzaLulu probably, can you believe it? I can't because I've never posted a Junjou story before… lol, I wonder why that is. I think I have a hard time taking it seriously when I write it… But I did start watching this show around the same time as Code Geass now that I think about it. I was probably about 13.

Anyway, Here's something that's been brewing in my mind for years, a sad little breakup-makeup story for the fandom, where Misaki leaves for questionable reasons. The original story idea was pretty simple, but I didn't actually get the nerve to write it until I started listening to a song from my younger days again, Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade. I listened to it a lot when I wanted to write something for this pairing, so you can imagine this story kind of follows the atmosphere of the song.

It's a great song if you wanna cry about love though, I recommend it lol.

Actually, you know what? Don't listen to it; it's bad and embarrassing because I loved it when I was like 13 or 14 probably.

Anyway, Chapter One is coming eventually. I'm not sure how much time it'll take, because this story has very little actual planning to it… No clue how long it'll be, how many words or chapters, I simply know how I want it to play out.

As for this prologue? I wrote this all in two short sittings, so I'm sure it's got mistakes and whatnot, but bear with me for now, I don't feel like fixing it up just yet.

Until next time,

\- fae


	2. Withdraw & Backfire

**Something Constant**

* * *

 **Chapter 1** – Withdraw  & Backfire

Misaki stared down at the cell phone in his hand, silently revisiting the conversation he'd had with Aikawa mere moments ago.

Now, typically when she called Misaki it was to request this or that of him (mostly food), and/or simply to make sure he was doing well in his "new" life. Those exchanges always began the same way, with a friendly greeting and joking questions about whether or not he was enjoying his job at Marukawa Publishing still. However, as soon as he'd heard the tone of Aikawa's voice, Misaki instantly knew that it wasn't going to be one of their average, casual calls.

And it helped that she'd gotten straight to the point.

 _"Have you spoken with Sensei at all recently?" she'd asked in a loud whisper._

 _"Did I… what? No, of course not!" Misaki replied a bit too quickly. "I haven't even considered it."_

 _Although, while the end of his statement had been a lie, he saw no point in boring her with the details of the truth, and Aikawa felt no current need to call him out on it._

 _"You really haven't contacted him in any way?" she pressed again, sounding even a bit more uneasy then. "If that's so then I have no idea why he's doing this now…"_

 _Though, he did think to tell her that this wasn't any of his business, and despite how nervous the subject was making him, Misaki honestly couldn't bring himself to leave it alone either. It was the truth that he wasn't directly involved, but somehow he found that to be hard to believe at the same time._

 _And frankly, if something bad had happened, Misaki felt entitled to know what._

 _"What do you mean, Aikawa-san?" he asked, moving to step outside for the rest of their conversation, not wanting to be overheard. "Did he do something stupid?"_

 _"Oh, Misaki-kun…" Aikawa trailed off, taking a deep breath, as if in attempts to calm herself down. "Yesterday… Sensei quit."_

 _Misaki felt his chest constrict, suddenly enveloped in a familiar sort of foreboding which he'd just recently learned to ignore the existence of altogether._

 _"What do you mean by 'quit?'" he said slowly. "What did he quit?"_

 _"Writing!" Aikawa nearly gasped. "When I called him to complain that he hadn't shown up to our meeting yesterday, he said he had stopped for good!"_

 _"Wha-, but that's…" Misaki choked out, fingers tightening around the phone. "That doesn't make any sense…"_

 _"You have to talk to him, Misaki-kun!" Aikawa pleaded, her voice a little shaky. "You're the only person who he listens to."_

 _"What?!" Misaki snapped in a panic. "No way, look! Aikawa-san, I'm sorry, but I can't do that! Even if I did, I doubt it would help any. I haven't seen Usagi-san in three years! What makes you think he would even want to talk to me now?"_

 _The silence that followed his question was abnormally awkward, and there was a moment when it was left to stew. Perhaps she let it go on purposefully, because she wanted him to think about his own words. They took a moment to wonder if that question really needed to be asked._

 _"Do you really think he wouldn't?" Aikawa suddenly pondered aloud, finally breaking the tense quiet between them._

 _Misaki sighed._

 _"I just can't," he protested weakly. "I'm sorry Aikawa-san, but I know that if it were me I wouldn't want to see me again either."_

After they bid their goodbyes however, Misaki was left with a bitter taste in his mouth. He wanted to feel detached from the situation, really, but he wasn't able to. A little voice from the past was telling him that this was his fault, somehow… And Misaki found himself thinking that perhaps she had been right. Maybe he was the only person who was capable of getting to the bottom of everything, the only one who could figure out exactly why the great Usami Akihiko was giving up on the only thing that made him happy.

"Is something wrong?"

Misaki jumped and let out an undignified squeak of surprise, turning to come face to face with the owner of the apartment he currently lived in.

"Oh, no, sorry," Misaki said, turning back away and placing his phone in his pocket. "It was just Aikawa-san calling about something…"

"Something?" Ijuuin echoed curiously, an innocent smile on his face. "Or some _one_?"

Misaki pursed his lips and frowned at the ground before turning to move deeper into the apartment.

"Was it about Usami-sensei?" Ijuuin continued to question, too perceptive for his own good.

Misaki was unsurprised that Ijuuin had figure it out though, he was used to the suspiciousness that came along with living with this man. While, of course, this was only somewhat different from the interrogations he would undergo while living with Akihiko. However, Ijuuin was much more adept at pretending to be understanding. After all, Akihiko had never held any desire to be as such in the first place, had he?

"Maybe… but it doesn't matter," Misaki insisted. "I already told her it has nothing to do with me."

Ijuuin let out an inquiring hum.

"Don't you think there's something not quite right with that?" he questioned with the smile that made Misaki squirm. "If it wasn't about you then she wouldn't have brought it up."

Misaki felt his frown darken considerably and he rotated on his heel to show off the sour expression. He really was not in the mood to discuss this topic, especially not with someone who he knew was 100% bias in regards to it, i.e. Ijuuin. This fight always ended the same anyway, and Misaki was an adult now, so he knew when to give up. At 25, many things had changed for him and Misaki was simply a different person. That was all there was to it.

And, as for his relationship with Ijuuin, he knew well where that stood in his mind as of late, and sometimes he hated himself for it.

But then he'd asked, "Have you been talking to him again?"

"Why would I?!" Misaki spat. "I mean, this is the first time Aikawa has even brought it up in a year!"

Ijuuin shrugged.

"If you say so… I was just asking," he stated plainly, walking into the kitchen to make tea. "Though, in my opinion, you're too emotional about the situation still."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Misaki barked, slamming his hand on the counter.

Ijuuin started the stove top, preparing to heat water, and let out a sigh.

"Well, I wasn't accusing you of anything," he explained, sounding a bit robotic. "There's no need to be so defensive."

Misaki stood there, mouth agape, not really knowing how to respond. He felt like he was being tugged around on a leash for some reason, not sure where they were going with any of this, or even why for that matter. It was a bit ridiculous.

After concluding that it wasn't worth it to continue, Misaki swallowed his emotions and left the apartment in a hurry.

He wasn't sure where he was going until he got there.

 **x x x**

"Dammit, why did I come home?" Misaki whispered to himself bitterly, staring at the entrance to the apartment building he lived in throughout college with tired eyes.

It was a bit nostalgic really, the same as it had been. But the lump in his throat kept him in reality, and he knew it was stupid to even get this close to the place he'd promised himself he would never set foot in again. And even if part of Misaki had always known it was only a matter of time before he had to face the past, he was also well aware of the fact that he wasn't ready to. Honestly, he wasn't sure if he ever would be.

Maybe that was why he had come though, subconsciously aware that it was the only way he'd ever return to the penthouse.

It was dangerous to be there however, Misaki couldn't help but think as much. After all, it would be just his luck to run into the last person he wanted to see, whether or not that was really the deep, dark truth. Besides, wasn't he simply setting himself up for that by merely standing outside?

Yes, he was, but Misaki's life had always been cliché in that way.

Well, that or he had always set himself up for failure, really, because it was Misaki's choices that brought him to where he was in the first place, both mentally and physically.

"This is so stupid," he said to no one, now gazing up at the windows of the penthouse.

"Then why are you here?"

Misaki stiffened and couldn't help but note the irony, because it seemed he was so easy to sneak up on.

Once again however, this was certainly his own damn fault.

"I… don't know," Misaki replied anyway, hands shaking. He didn't even take the time to turn around. "Sorry, I'm leaving."

But he only managed to take a single step.

"She called you, didn't she?" Akihiko asked.

Misaki realized he was still shaking then and he clenched his hands into fists, glaring at the concrete.

"Of course she did," he hissed quietly, mad at himself for not being able to walk away. "She probably thinks you're going to kill yourself or something."

Although, when Akihiko said nothing in reply, Misaki felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up and he froze completely.

"You're not… right?" he uttered a bit meekly.

Akihiko sighed loudly and looked away from the back of Misaki's head.

"No," he said. "I'm not going to do something that drastic."

"Then what are you doing?!" Misaki bit out, suddenly facing him with watering eyes. "Why did you quit your job?"

Akihiko paused, staring back curiously.

"Why are you here?" he asked again after a while, sighing once more.

"You know why!" Misaki shouted instantly, almost cutting him off in the process, but that didn't matter.

"So do you," Akihiko replied flatly. "You know why I quit."

Misaki groaned and gestured his annoyance with his hands. He couldn't believe this was happening now, after all this time. It had been no more than five minutes and already Misaki wanted to run away again.

"You're right," he finally agreed, his tone low and strained. "So, it's better if I just leave."

And that's exactly what he did, not even bothering to look back at the man he once admitted to loving.

After all, you see, in that moment Takahashi Misaki hated himself.

* * *

 **AN:** Yeah, so I have no idea what possessed me to write this all in one sitting and post it, but here it is… I'm kinda mad at myself right now, because this was both painful to write and feels extremely half-assed if you ask me.

Anyway, ideally this will be a rather short story with short chapters, but, knowing me, things never work out as I originally plan. So, I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.

Is it angsty enough yet? I'm trying my best lolol... seriously though...

Thanks for reading,

\- fae


	3. Again & Then Again

**Something Constant**

* * *

 **Chapter 2** – Again  & Then Again

Misaki stared down at the first draft of his favorite manga, clenched in both hands, and not really knowing how he felt.

It had been almost a week since Aikawa called and he had made his impromptu visit home, and Misaki was trying to keep himself occupied with work. It wasn't hard of course, because just recently he had been promoted, and life was even busier now than ever before, especially with the title of Assistant Editor under his belt. It was a strange feeling too, having that authority, as tiny as it may have been, because Misaki was used to feeling average (and unimportant lately). However, his job gave him a purpose it seemed, and for that he was grateful.

The only problem was that he was the Assistant Editor under none other than Shizuku Ishi, Ijuuin's editor.

It wasn't as if Misaki held any disdain for Ijuuin of course; he was still someone that Misaki looked up to in a sense, even if they were now acquainted on an entirely new level. It was just that Ijuuin was a controlling person, but in a way that Misaki was far from used to. And it got rather tiring, having to put up with all the tension that came along with it. Whether or not that tension was much like when he had lived with Akihiko was irrelevant too, because the tired feeling he'd had back then had somehow come along with a sense of contentment, which he no longer possessed in quite the same regard.

 _"You're going to work?" Ijuuin had asked that morning as Misaki put on his shoes._

 _"Hm," Misaki hummed his confirmation, still slightly ticked about their conversation from the week before._

 _"Do me a favor then," Ijuuin began again, holding out a stack of papers. "Take this with you. I finished it this morning."_

 _"Yeah, okay… That's great, thanks," Misaki said as he stood, taking the papers and sounding far less enthusiastic than he'd meant to._

 _Ijuuin frowned, but instead of questioning his mood, he took a step forward and kissed Misaki on the lips for a brief moment, not really expecting a reaction. He didn't get one either, so it was fine that he hadn't._

 _"Have a good day," he uttered._

 _"Yeah, you too," Misaki answered halfheartedly as he rushed out the door._

And now, here he was, on the train to Marukawa, looking at the drawings he would've been gushing over had it been three years earlier, and thinking to himself. Why was he even doing this? Why was he living with Ijuuin-sensei and letting him kiss and hold him, even when it made him want to leave? It wasn't fair to either of them really, especially when Misaki knew deep down that he'd only gone to Ijuuin in the first place in order to make Akihiko resent him.

Honestly, it was mostly due to the fear of running into him at work, and Ijuuin worked as a sort of deterrent, just in case. But now Misaki no longer had such a need, and he felt like a terrible person, because he had taken advantage of someone he once admired for stupidly selfish reasons.

Besides, this wasn't what he wanted.

Never had he anticipated that Akihiko would quit writing, of all things!

And it wasn't as if Misaki has consciously made the choice to go to Ijuuin, simply because he knew that Akihiko held a strong disdain for the man. In fact, he'd rejected his advances at first, and it wasn't until much later that he actually accepted the offer to stay at Ijuuin's apartment, long after he'd begun seeing him on a more personal level. It had been nice at first too. Misaki had to admit that he enjoyed the idea of his favorite wrtier/artist having a genuine interest in him without Akihiko to fight it off. Plus, in many ways it was a much easier life for him, and Misaki didn't mind the peace and quiet.

However, only just recently had Misaki come to see the problem in all of this.

He didn't feel like himself anymore, seeing a liar when he looked in the mirror. He realized that he was pretending to love someone, and it was probably eating away at not only him, but Ijuuin as well. And, quite frankly, when Misaki saw his own face nowadays, all he could think was ' _I'm looking at a cruel, selfish excuse for a human being.'_

x x x

"Misaki-kun, are you feeling alright?" was the first thing Aikawa asked when they bumped into each other on the elevator that same evening.

"Yeah, fine, why?" Misaki asked. "Do I look sick?"

Aikawa furrowed her brows and pursed her lips, examining him.

"Honestly?" she began. "Yes, you look like you're going to pass out."

Misaki laughed internally at that, thinking, _'that's because I haven't been sleeping.'_

"I'm okay, Aikawa-san," he lied again, watching as the elevator opened to the ground floor so the two of them could step out. "You don't have to worry about me."

Aikawa looked unconvinced, but she suddenly seemed to notice the time and apologized to Misaki quickly, running off muttering something about being dishonored and the fact that she was late for something work related.

Misaki watched her leave curiously, unsure about how she could still be working so hard while he was about to head back to Ijuuin's apartment for the night.

When he did finally get home, he let out a long-needed sigh and kicked his shoes off at the door.

"I'm home, Ijuuin-sensei!" he called inside, but did not receive his usual reply- there was only silence.

And, as if on cue, right as Misaki had been wondering where it was he could've gone, his phone alerted him of a text message.

 _I'm out with a friend,_ the message read. _Don't worry about dinner._

Misaki sighed again and deleted the message, putting his phone down on the kitchen counter as he turned to rest his back against it.

Aikawa had been right to ask Misaki how he was doing, to worry even, because the fact of the matter was that he hadn't been doing all that well for the last three or four days. He was constantly tired, thus excessively irritable, and he felt unneeded and lonely, and it was all rather pathetic if you asked him. However, Misaki was almost at the end of his rope. He had already managed, multiple times, to stop himself from dwelling on the week before when the topic arose in his mind. Yet, just as he had known that it was merely a matter of time before he would have to face what he had done, Misaki also knew that he would crack sooner or later. He really wanted to fix everything that had happened.

Misaki was sure that it was too late though, and he had been forcing himself to believe that for his own sake more than anything. Although, he had liked to believe that it was for the sake of the people he had hurt (specifically Akihiko), he was also sick of being a liar.

So, perhaps that was what had possessed him to dial the number he memorized such a long time ago. Misaki did it without thinking really, and he didn't realize just who he had called until the call was received and it was too late.

"Misaki?" Akihiko's voice rang through the line.

Misaki cursed at himself internally for calling, but after the way he had been feeling lately he couldn't bring it upon himself to simply hang up.

"S-sorry!" he stuttered. "I… uh…"

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again.

"I'm not really sure why I called," Misaki admitted, feeling like a complete ass.

Akihiko didn't say anything to that; he probably didn't know what _to_ say.

"Are you okay?" he asked after a while, genuinely concerned, as this was the first time he'd called since they split.

"I'm fine," Misaki insisted. "I'm…"

"Then, why did you call?" Akihiko asked patiently, despite him already having said that he didn't know.

However, he'd always been good at dragging the truth out of him, hadn't he?

"I'm sorry," Misaki said, forcing himself not to tear up.

"For what?" Akihiko pressed on.

"Everything!" Misaki explained rather forcefully. "Like, for showing up at the apartment the other day… for example."

Another moment of silence passed between them then.

"I'm not mad," Akihiko finally replied, and he didn't sound mad either. "I'm happy as long as you are."

"Who says I'm happy though?" Misaki bit out without thinking.

"Are you not?"

"No," he answered honestly, feeling a few silent sobs wreck through his body.

After having been an utter liar for so long, Misaki was tired of denying the truth. He had already been so close to collapsing under the weight of his current reality, it made sense that even a short talk with Akihiko would bring the honesty out of him.

"Why not?" questioned Akihiko then, well aware that he was crying on the other end of the line.

"I… I think we should talk," Misaki choked out. "I feel like we really need to talk face-to-face, Usagi-san."

The paused that followed his statement scared him though, and Misaki couldn't hold back another sob as it forced its way out. He thought that perhaps he'd be yelled at, perhaps Akihiko would call him out on all the terrible things he'd said and done. He thought that was what he deserved even, and that he would be told that he had chose to leave, and therefore he needed to stay gone. Ultimately, he didn't think he had the right to talk to Akihiko again.

However, none of that was said.

Instead, Akihiko simply sighed.

"Alright," he agreed easily. "It'll be okay, Misaki. We'll talk."

And that kindness of his only made Misaki cry all the harder.

* * *

 **AN** : Okay, I really have very little to say about this chapter. Um… I hope you enjoyed it, and I am currently trying really hard to write the next part of Melting Ice, so on the off chance you read my Code Geass fics, know that much at least. Anyway, like I said before, this story is going to be relatively short, so that will explain why the plot is progressing so quickly. The next chapter will feature the conversation between Misaki and Usagi, so look forward to that.

Apart from that, no editing has been done on this chapter yet, so if you see mistakes please ignore them lol…

Again, thanks for reading!

\- fae


	4. The Reason & Why

**Something Constant**

* * *

 **Chapter 3** – The Reason  & Why

 _(3 Years Ago)_

Now, the fact of the matter was that Misaki and Akihiko had already come up with a plan for breaking the news of their relationship to Takahiro many weeks ago. They had discussed calling him over to their house with the offer of dinner and "catching up," they had discussed dropping small hints throughout the meal to soften the blow, and they had even discussed sitting him down on the coach afterwards in order to reiterate the entire story of how they had ended up together. In fact, Akihiko had even mentioned that he wanted to be completely honest with Takahiro for the first time and tell him about the unrequited love he had previously held for him, which made Misaki feel nervous, if not rather proud.

So, why Misaki had gone and ruined their plans, he wasn't quite sure. But the need to tell his brother the truth about what was going on between them had been eating away at him more than usual since they had decided they would, and Misaki could only stand hearing Takahiro complain about their living situation so much before he snapped. After all, it had been innocent enough on Takahiro's end, but he could only see so much without knowing all the facts. And while what Takahiro didn't know (that his little brother was in a committed and overly loving relationship with his very male best friend) wasn't hurting him, it was _certainly_ hurting Misaki.

Maybe that was why he couldn't help himself when faced with his brother's cheerful, well-intentioned ignorance, especially since he had to go and openly question Akihiko's sexuality as a way to deter Misaki from wanting to stay at his place.

Yes, that was why…

"You're a little late to be warning me of his preferences," he'd nearly spat out in the middle of the café they were at, earning a handful of snooping glances from those around. "I've known that since Usagi-san became my tutor."

Takahiro merely blinked at him, confused by the sudden attitude change.

"Well, I'm glad you're not a judgmental person, but _still_ , if he _does_ anything…" he went to reply, but Misaki didn't give him the chance.

"If he does _what_?" he cut in. "If you're going to warn me about him making passes at me, again, you're a little late!"

Takahiro's mouth hung open and he narrowed his eyes as he stood up from his seat.

"What did he do, Misaki?" he demanded, tone suddenly dark in an uncharacteristic way.

Misaki groaned and stood up from his seat as well, glaring at his brother and ignoring the surprised faces of the curious onlookers.

"This isn't about what he did! Usagi-san didn't do anything by himself!" Misaki retorted angrily, slamming his hands down on the table. "This is about what _we_ did together! Usagi-san and I are dating, Nii-chan! We have been since I moved in with him!"

Takahiro gaped at him, at a loss for words.

"Y-you… you're what?" he had questioned weakly.

 _(Present Day)_

Misaki shook himself from his thoughts.

He had been recalling the past far too much to be healthy as of late, and it was beginning to get the better of him. He'd been standing in the same place as before, staring up at Akihiko's penthouse for a little more than ten minutes, trying to talk himself into leaving. But somewhere along the lines, his thoughts had brought him to an unpleasant memory, and Misaki couldn't stop himself from dwelling on the moment which had started the domino effect that ended his life on the top floor of this building.

Of course, he was here again now; that was just the pathetic sort of person he was. And as much as Misaki hated to admit it, he'd always known in the back of his mind that he would be.

So, in the end, he couldn't bring himself to leave.

Misaki ignored the look the building manager gave him when he stepped through the front door, heading promptly to the elevator. However, the ride was far shorter than he remembered, and every time the elevator signaled its arrival at the next floor, he felt his pulse pick up. Then, ironically enough, when the doors opened to the top floor, the hall to Akihiko's door seemed vastly longer and narrower than it ever had been before, and suddenly Misaki felt a bit dizzy.

Stepping out into the hall, Misaki stopped and tried to recall just why he had come here again.

Realistically, it wasn't too late to turn back yet. He hadn't even approached the door, let alone alerted Akihiko of his arrival, so he could just as easily turn around and take that abnormally fast elevator back down. However, from a moral standpoint, Misaki also reasoned that he had come this far, and perhaps it was better to stop running away from what he had done wrong. Honestly, it made him feel like a little kid.

But Misaki was 25; he was an adult with a real job, and he needed to grow up eventually.

This was really the only thing holding him back too.

The problem was that Misaki had never been good with anything pertaining to Akihiko, so instead of facing his problem head-on, he decided to sit beside the door and worry a little longer. In fact, he wasn't quite sure how long he sat there, and he wasn't sure how long he would've, had it not been for a sudden text from Akihiko which simply read: "Are you going to come inside, or are you still procrastinating?"

It ticked him off, but it was also enough to finally get Misaki through the door.

Akihiko was waiting at the entrance when he let himself in (apparently he hadn't bothered to change the pin), and it was a bit surreal really, because the scene was all too familiar.

And the only thing he could think to say was, "how did you know I was out there?"

Akihiko puffed his cigarette and shrugged, turning away casually.

"I didn't," he replied plainly. "It was a just a guess."

"Of course, you guessed," Misaki deadpanned. "I should've known."

Akihiko didn't grace him with a response however, so he kicked off his shoes and walked passed him to inspect the damage done to the house since he'd left. Though, miraculously enough, the place was completely spotless! Honestly, Misaki was so astounded by the site that he wasn't even sure if he should be impressed or concerned anymore.

Seemingly reading his mind, Akihiko walked up behind him and said, "Aikawa forced her way in here yesterday and made me hire a cleaning service."

"Did she come to ask you to take your job back?" Misaki asked, venturing over to peer into the kitchen area.

"I denied her," Akihiko grunted his reply, watching Misaki patiently as he padded through the apartment like he was on a mission to find something out of place. And, as much as he wanted to grab him and force Misaki to sit down and talk about whatever it was he had come to talk about, Akihiko couldn't find it in himself to interrupt him either. Besides, it was also rather endearing to behold… in a bittersweet sort of way.

"What are you looking for exactly?" Akihiko finally asked after a solid three minutes of silence.

"A reason to yell at you," Misaki grumbled seriously.

Akihiko crossed his arms.

"You have more than enough reasons to yell at me already," he countered, only half-joking.

Misaki went rigid with that, balling his hands up into fists at the same time.

"That's wrong," he replied slowly, finally turning to face Akihiko again, though not looking him in the eye. "It's the other way around."

"You know I have no reason to be mad at yo-" Akihiko went to say.

Misaki cut him off though.

"As if!" he barked. "You and I both know that isn't true, Usagi-san! I left without even telling you! I stopped answering my phone, I lied to everyone about where I was, and I said some really terrible things to you! Then I even moved in with the person you always hated the most, and I still have the nerve to show my face here again!"

Akihiko blinked, truly shocked by the outburst, but he could think of nothing to say. It was just as well though.

"I don't understand," Misaki went on, his voice just a notch lower now. "Why would you even let me come here? After what I did and said, it makes no sense at all. I've been nothing but a horrible person and you still won't get mad at me! You still won't tell me to go away! You're always so nice to me… I don't get it! Why won't you just _hate_ me?!"

Akihiko was across the room before he could even think about moving.

He hugged Misaki in the same way he always had before; his embrace was just as demanding and strong as it had been since the beginning, and in a way Misaki suddenly wasn't sure if he had ever actually left at all. It was like being awoken from a three year nightmare.

"I love you," Akihiko whispered the familiar phrase into his hair, his grip unrelenting. "That's why I'll never be able to hate you."

And really, Misaki wasn't sure if he began to cry during or before his rant, but he knew for a fact that he didn't start sobbing until he heard those words.

 _(3 Years Ago)_

Misaki watched his brother leave the café in silence, thinking about what he said and the things he had warned him of.

None of it was anything new of course. Misaki had considered the things Takahiro mentioned many times before, but somehow hearing it from his mouth made it seem a bit more real.

"Maybe I'm not being rational about this," he muttered to himself during his walk back to the penthouse. "Maybe everyone's been right about us from the start."

Shooing the negative notions from his mind as he finally arrived home, Misaki noticed that Akihiko had fallen asleep on the couch again. He stood in the doorway quietly, trying to figure out if it was a trap or not, but when five minutes passed and Akihiko did nothing but snore lightly, Misaki gave in and covered him with one of their spare blankets. Honestly, he nearly expected to be attacked anyway, but it never came.

That night, Misaki fell asleep with a head full of doubts. He could not remember what he had dreamt the next morning, but he recalled a vaguely nauseating sensation, something like panic, and the scene of a dark forest. And for the first three seconds his eyes were open, he had no idea where he was.

Everything came back in a rush however, and Misaki jumped out of bed to go about his day. He got dressed, cooked breakfast, did the laundry, and rushed off to work- failing to realize how distant and abnormally silent he was being. But Akihiko noticed; he thought to himself that he should ask Misaki about his odd behavior tonight, but ended shrugging it off as work stress when he came home acting completely normal. And perhaps that had been Akihiko's first mistake, but Misaki's was that he hadn't mentioned his encounter with his brother, and was busy stewing in his own pot of guilt and doubt.

Sometime after dinner, Akihiko managed to coerce (more like "drag") Misaki into his bed.

That night, Misaki fell asleep crying.

He dreamt of his parents, their funeral, and his brother's worried face, and by the time he awoke, Misaki had made up his mind.

* * *

 **AN:** Are you mad? Sorry for the delay with this story guys… but since season 3 has ended, I'm going through anime-depression. Really, I'm dying over here! Someone hold me or like… make a season 4 so I have a reason to live again. Or at least update the manga, thanks!

Ahahahha, okay really though, I have to read for college after this, but when I'm done I'll be moving on to work on my other fanfics.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this short chapter, because I gave up on trying to make the beginning longer. Please accept now that you're never going to know exactly what Takahiro said to Misaki, but if it makes you feel better, imagine it was something like what Usagi's dad says to him in the actual story. Except, obviously, Takahiro is looking out for Misaki as his #1, so it's probably a lot nicer on his part… Oh, and I imagine I'll be wrapping this up in no more than 4 chapters, so prepare for the end? Idk, this story has literally zero planning to it, so excuse how shitty the timeline is? I also want to point out that I'm not going to be nearly as vague about the "terrible things" Misaki said to Usagi as I was with Takahiro. I recommend preparing yourself emotionally for that.

Btw, I didn't edit this at all! /thumbs up

Good luck and happy reading!

\- fae


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